Woman Says In-Laws Expect Her, Husband to Pay for Their Retirement Home

A woman says her in-laws are expecting her and her husband to pay for them to live in a retirement home, but she and her partner do not see eye-to-eye on the financial matter.

In a post shared on Reddit, the 45-year-old woman said her mother-in-law and father-in-law, both 65, recently made it clear that they want to make the move, and that she and her husband should foot the bill.

But while the husband, 45, “wants to commit to this” (he is “sensitive to his mother’s wishes,” according to the Redditor) the wife is “against” the plan altogether.

First, according to the wife, she and her husband “have created a good life” for themselves and their two children, both of whom are on the autism spectrum.

The wife also pointed out that her husband’s parents “never gave him/us a dime” and own two homes, one for themselves and another for their younger son, her husband’s brother. The wife’s family, though, “has always been helping financially.”

Additionally, the wife does not think her in-laws need to move to a retirement home. “Besides being too young for this, they are also both very healthy and active,” she wrote on Reddit. “They just feel like they’d enjoy being waited on and have somebody else clean/cook/care for them.”

Even if there was a need, the wife believes her in-laws should simply pay for the retirement home themselves by selling their current home, but noted that “they want to leave it to their younger son,” who she believes “will quickly sell” the house, leaving her in-laws with nothing to return to.

“I am not ready to commit to this since our kids might need a lifetime of (money) support due to being on the spectrum,” the wife wrote, noting that her husband’s brother is not facing the same circumstances.

Many Reddit users sided with the wife, but placed blame on her husband. One person said the husband “needs to understand that paying for their retirement will not make his parents love him.” 

“Little brother is clearly the golden child,” the user wrote. “From one scapegoat child to another, nothing your husband does will ever be good enough for them. It isn’t worth putting yourselves in a bad financial position.”

Another person wrote, “You have a husband problem, not an in-law problem. Somewhere deep inside, your husband wants the love and attention his brother receives and your husband may think that this is how he gets it.” 

They added, “You and your husband need to be on the same page and he needs to deal with his parents. It is not fair to make you the bad guy in this situation.”

Several users suggested the woman tell her husband that he must first pay back the money her parents gave them before paying for his parents’ retirement. Some even suggested threatening her husband with divorce.

“Tell husband if he does this, you will leave and take the kids and will file for divorce,” one person wrote. “Then you will find out if he loves you or just wants to take care of his parents. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.” 

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They added, “If he sides with them, I hope you love yourself enough to know that you deserve better than to be his parents caretakers for the rest of your life, because I suspect that’s all he thinks of you.”

Ultimately, most Reddit users who replied to the post felt the husband’s parents should be responsible for paying for their own retirement. “Your in-laws can take care of themselves just as they have expected you and your husband to do,” one person wrote.

Another person said, “It is ridiculous for them to even ask you to pay for something like that, let alone expect it from you. They need to use their own assets for that.”